So, the New York Times folks have finished their little practical joke on the staff of the Boston Globe, scaring them half to death with the prospect of being sold at auction like some half-empty condo complex.
The Times received what it wanted: the news staff at the Globe is now being paid at about the level of the Banker & Tradesman newsroom: minimum wage and watered-down barrels of rum as a “fringe benefit.”
The Globe now remains in the loving embrace of the New York boys, which may or may not be a good thing.
For instance, ponder the front page of the Times sports section on a recent Sunday – the big, juicy, lucrative day of the week for snobby metro papers. There was, of course, a story about the Giants football team and a story about the baseball playoffs. No surprises there. But then, there was a big story about retired female golfer Annika Sorenstam and how cool she was with the notion of changing diapers instead of changing clubs. And there was a big story about a farm for neglected racehorses.
If that’s the kind of stuff people wanted to read, they could subscribe to Better Homes & Gardens. It’s a sports section. I’m glad Annika is a happy mom. But, I don’t care. That’s a girly thing that self-conscious, Northeastern, left-wingy newspapers put on the front page of their sports sections, to meet their girl quota.
I’m worried about that kind of influence on the Globe. Its sports section that very same day had a giant, front-page story of two young women who are about the best girly competitive rowers in the whole world and how they were going to go up and down the Charles so fast, you’d think they were in a power boat.
Oh, yes, there was a story about Boston College slaughtering North Carolina State and a story about the Pats, but the big deal was the story that probably belonged in the “lifestyle” part of the paper.
Best Assets Forward
The Globe needs a dramatic repositioning – and it won’t get good advice from its Big Momma in New York. The Globe does not have a Cohen column, which is a crippling handicap in the Boston metro market. But, the paper could still do better.
The front page of the Globe on a recent Sunday had a big story about extracting a tooth from a mummy to check on the DNA. That must have sent single-copy street sales soaring.
Here’s what the Globe has to learn. What people care about is the weather, sex, real estate, bankers and tradesmen, sex, sports, why Massachusetts ranks 36th for “business friendliness” among the 50 states, as determined by the Tax Foundation, and sex.
If the Globe takes that package of information, puts it in a tabloid format (Have you ever seen commuters on the T wrestling with their Boston Globe – and losing?), it will make so much money that the Globe executives will travel to New York and offer to buy the Times.
And what of the Boston Herald? It already is a tabloid with instincts to write about sports and the weather. And sex.
The Globe has the snob marketing all to itself. The bankers and tradesmen might sneak a look at the Herald sports section, to avoid stories about women rowers on the Charles, but the high-end set can’t be caught in public reading the Herald. That’s just how it is.
At the end of the day, of course, the news business is about advertising, not news. While the Globe, like many papers, has overcome its aversion to ads on page 1, the most recent colorful, provocative ad I remember was a promotion for Citizens Bank, trolling for new clients.
A perfectly fine ad, but if the Globe wants to make a splash, sell an ad for a “discreet escort service” on page one. You’ll get the ad revenue and increased readership, as well.
Whatever else the newspaper wars may bring, be confident that you will always have Banker & Tradesman to read – especially the Cohen column. For stories about weather and sex, please turn to page 6.
