In addition to your credit card, your debit card, your AAA card, your auto insurance card, your AARP card (if you are very, very old), your list of prescription drugs, and a picture of Cohen the Columnist (for good luck), make room in your wallet on April 26 for one more thing.
April is National Poetry Month. On April 26, you’re supposed to carry a poem with you, wherever you go. It’s not a law, exactly, but lots of tweed-jacket-wearing, pipe-smoking, sherry-sipping folks have decided that a day and month of poetry will cleanse your mind and your soul of angst about Greek bonds and commercial real estate.
I sort of agree with them. Once I resolve the misunderstanding that has prevented me from being named sports editor of Banker & Tradesman, I would like to add poetry editor to my resume as well.
I would do more writing than editing, of course. Besides, who better than me to capture the sweetness, sensitivity and nuance of bankers and real estate professionals; the quiet solitude and natural beauty of a Boston traffic jam? Here’s what I have in mind:
The Massachusetts economy continues to grow
But hiring remains real slow
Real estate and banking remain fancy
But expansion remains chancy
Expectations remain pretty low.
Except for San Francisco Bay
The Boston-Worcester region is the place to make hay
Our wages are high
Our benefits reach the sky
Unless you’re a columnist making $2 a day.
If Massachusetts goes big for Obama
Scott Brown may be in for a trauma.
Elizabeth Warren has some heft
Even if she leans pretty far left
November could be quite a drama.
Apartments appear to be the norm
For the young set, it’s much like a dorm
The condos can wait a few years
Until you become a newspaper publisher or financier
And then, you can mortgage up a storm.
Worcester tried to ban smoking
Well, no, I’m sort of just joking.
The tobacco billboard ban was snuffed
By a federal judge in a huff
The anti-cigarette people are all sad and moping.
The Red Sox sold out for spring training
Even on days when it was raining.
The new ballpark is cool
Familiarity is the rule
The “Green Monster” replica is quite entertaining.
“Eds” and “Meds” make Boston cool
Our prosperity makes other regions drool
But the “income inequality” gang
Really doesn’t give a dang
They want us to all swim in the same pool.
Boston University has a Methodist pedigree
Boston College is Catholic for all to see
Brandeis has Jewish roots
Even MIT as theological offshoots
The engineers pray to the God of Telemetry.
The casinos are ready to come
But Massachusetts is playing it dumb
Approve one as a test case
Let them put on their best face
And see if we all have some fun.
How many Kennedys can there be
To run for office, from sea to shining sea?
We had Ted as Massachusetts arm candy
Which was really quite dandy
But is there no end to the family tree?
Mass transit is very expensive
The Massachusetts list of demands is extensive
We don’t quarrel too much
With that insatiable bunch
The thought of driving to Boston makes us apprehensive.
When the convention planners come calling
Our travel and tourism folks break out bawling
New Orleans has the food and liquor treats
Orlando caters to the Disney World freaks
And Chicago has O’Hare for long hauling.
They all have more hotel rooms than Boston can muster
In convenient, convention center clusters
But if we build a colossus
So grand that it’s preposterous
We can steal away some of their luster.
Mayor Kevin White was larger than life
He led Boston through all manner of strife.
His bookkeeping was naughty
His personality was haughty
But he sliced through problems like an extra-sharp knife.
R.I.P.
