“Part of me is extra virgin, but I know exactly what I’m doing.”
No, no, that’s not me talking. Look at that photo of me. You think I’m extra virgin?
That line comes from ad copy for Newman’s Own salad dressing. Olive oil. Extra virgin. Inexperienced. Sex joke. Not bad.
The ad appears in consumer-oriented women’s magazines. Most readers will get the point – as well as the joke. If it ran in Banker & Tradesman, I might have my doubts.
Banking and real estate just don’t seem to be drenched in sex stuff. The real estate ads might mention four bedrooms, but there’s no hint as to what might be going on in any of them. Hollywood starlets aren’t promoting mortgages or the convenience of online banking.
Would a bit of sex help the sales pitch? Simple-minded theory suggests it would “attract attention,” but effective advertising is more subtle than that. Do I want the guy servicing my loan to be wearing an unbuttoned shirt and tight pants? Do I want my Realtor to have skirts shorter than my attention span for mortgage documents?
The bankers and real estate professionals may have it right. When you’re engaged in the serious business of buying, selling and trading assets, it’s best to avoid George Clooney/Laurence Cohen look-alikes when making your point.
Massachusetts is embroiled in a peculiar debate about (what would you expect?) sex. The Public Health Department is funding a rather graphic sex-education website aimed at kids – although Mom and Dad would probably learn a few things, too, in a porno-script kind of way.
From a scientific/philosophical discussion of masturbation to a rather thorough tour of the vagina, this is a much more compelling state-funded project than the brochures from the Registry of Motor Vehicles. Did I mention the explanation of anal sex?
Dancing In The Dark
Some legislators, and the predictable sprinkling of Catholic bishops, want the site to go away – or at least, for the state to pull the plug on funding.
The Public Health professionals invariably botch this kind of endeavor. They are torn between the focused “public health” mission of curbing sexually transmitted disease; and the more fashionable, cool, explicit marketing effort to sound open and understanding.
While the public health campaign could well start with a little sermon about abstinence (the site offers up a somewhat feeble effort at that), inevitably, the chore of the public health professional is health, not theology. The presumption of wild and crazy promiscuity must be there, to be coped with – and the presumption of disease as well.
As such things go, the site (mariatalks.com) makes an earnest effort to be conversational and clinical. There is more tawdry stuff on the Internet than what this site offers. The primary issue is the funding and implicit state endorsement: $100,000 in state money to the AIDS Action Committee for its careful definition of “orgasm,” in case the kids might be interested.
Any such “comprehensive” sex education effort is going to overwhelm any real effort to offer up abstinence as an option. While the site does chat a bit about the notion of no sex at all, the young newcomer is left with the impression that the only hope to be extra virgin is to jump into a bottle of salad dressing and turn the cap real right.
In some ways, the state-funded sex site has marketing challenges similar to those faced by financial advisors. Clients may well be inclined to chat with insurers, bankers, Realtors, faith healers and the guy next door, before choosing just the right investment path.
And so it is with sex education. The site acknowledges that “parents, friends, siblings, cousins, a cool aunt or uncle, teachers, religious figures, your doctor and counselors are just some of the people you can go to for advice.” Note that the aunt or uncle must be “cool,” for fear that you will run up against a stern aunt who tells you to zip up your pants and stop visiting filthy websites.
If you’re lucky, a career in banking or real estate may exclude you from being considered a “cool aunt or uncle.” Otherwise be prepared for state-encouraged questions from the kids about digital sex, foreplay and condom lessons.
