The wine, the women, the cigars – I never imagined that becoming a columnist (albeit, an extraordinary columnist) for Banker & Tradesman would lead to such lifestyle excess.

Unintended consequences are what makes the world go round. While in my case, the consequence was wonderful, the term normally applies to major or minor catastrophes; negative consequences to what were intended to be actions blessed by Man and God.

It’s not that the unintended consequence is always a surprise; in fact, many of the perpetrators of the original act know pretty darn well what the “unintended” consequence will be, but they’re willing to live with it, in exchange for at least a few minutes of glory.

Readers of this paper experienced the Gold Standard of mock shock at unintended consequences, when in response to government meddling with bank fees and business practices, the larger banks raised other fees to compensate.

The regulators and consumer whiners howled at what they pretended were unintended consequences, while the big banks made up their own shock and awe in response to the unintended consequence of driving some of their smaller customers to community banks and credit unions. But in truth, financial services types are quite good at forecasting unintended consequences and responding before-the-fact.

The efforts in Massachusetts by nonprofits to “buy” underwater homes from deadbeat owners and sell them back at “market value” have been met with wild lack of enthusiasm by many mortgage holders, who fear the unintended consequence: An army of homeowners trying to take advantage of the make-believe market transaction.

Alabama is reeling from the unintended consequences of its severe crackdown on illegal aliens – rather than opening more jobs for “real” workers, the down-and-dirty businesses are suffering from lack of any workers at all.

Honest Living

Unintended consequences are not always clear cut.

Friends and foes are still quarreling after years of debate about whether blacks are suffering, rather than benefiting, from being granted easier access to top-notch colleges, where their graduation rates seem to suffer.

The goof-ball ethanol energy subsidies led to the unintended consequence (at least that’s the story) of raising corn prices and many other food items as a result.

A Purdue University study in 2008 found that the unintended consequences of setting speed limits artificially low as a “safety” strategy led to drivers losing respect for posted speed limits – and driving faster.

Sick leave and disability payments and unemployment compensation and almost all manner of “welfare” have long been the subject of study for unintended consequences, referred to more specifically in these cases as “perverse incentives.” A 2011 RAND Corp. study of Social Security Disability Insurance explored, “a disincentive effect on the willingness of recipients to work.” It found that “those who have impairments that are on the margin of allowance for SSDI benefits are strongly discouraged from returning to work if they are awarded benefits.”

A study last year by researchers at Dartmouth, Yale and the University of Minnesota found that the unintended consequence of “black box” warnings about adolescent use of antidepressants was an increase in depression and suicide among adolescents.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse reported last year that cigarette smoking among 8th, 10th and 12th graders has dropped to historic lows – but there has been a sharp increase in marijuana smoking.

“Unintended” consequences aren’t necessarily the same as expected consequences. The most hilarious debate in recent weeks broke out in Los Angeles, which is crafting regulations to require actors in pornographic movies to wear condoms. The consequence, according to the porn film industry, is that the porn capital of the world (Los Angeles must be very, very proud) would lose the business.

Boston Globe columnist Gareth Cook pointed out last year that some research suggests that public notification of sex-offender addresses not only doesn’t reduce sex crimes in neighborhoods – but might actually increase recidivism – a nightmarish unintended consequence. The effect of extensive public exposure, he wrote, might be to “reduce the rewards for living honestly.”

There are positive unintended consequences to rewarding columnists with big raises. At least, that’s what I’ve been told.