Quick & Easy

Don’t let frozen credit markets steer you away from accessing cash. Boomerang Lenders is offering “affluent customers” a quick, easy way to access cash for personal spending and new business ventures.

But this isn’t any traditional pawn loan. Customers like The Teller, who only have a rusty Chevy and an Escher print leftover from college to use as collateral, need not apply. Boomerang is interested in rich people, who have valuable jewelry, collectibles and private jets to trade in exchange for some quick bills.

Here’s how it works: hand over your mink fur coat (which you can ship to Boomerang free of charge) and after an in-depth evaluation of the sheared jacket – voila! The money will be at your fingertips on the same day via bank transfer.

Boomerang gives at least six months before a payment is required. But, if you’re like The Teller, every cent of that loan will probably be spent on scratch offs, Red Bull and Newports. Ah, Boomerang has a solution for that too! Don’t even bother repaying the loan, and the company will sell Great Grandma Betty’s prized fur after deducting the principal and some service fees.

Accumulating debt has made The Teller’s credit score situation a lost cause, but for anyone who’s concerned, don’t worry. Collateral used to obtain a Boomerang Lending loan makes it a moot (er, mink) point.