Howdy, Neighbor!

A recent story out of Rhode Island couldn’t help but catch The Teller’s eye.

The piece, picked up by the Associated Press, has all the things The Teller looks for in great journalism: Wacky animals, ex-spouses, excessive noise, naughty neighbors and swear words.

You couldn’t have kept us from this story if you tried! Luckily, nobody did try. We think.

Lynne Taylor, of Warwick, R.I., has been accused by her neighbors of violating an animal-noise ordinance – by training her pet cockatoo, Willy, to swear. At her neighbors, apparently.

And it just so happens, Taylor’s neighbors – and the plaintiffs in the case – are Taylor’s ex-husband and current girlfriend.

We can’t make this up. And we wouldn’t want to.

The neighbors, Kathleen Melker and Craig Fontaine, told the Providence Journal they have been subjected to repeated curses from the bird. It got so bad at one point, apparently, that Willy cursed the couple out for 15 minutes at a time.

We’ve heard of swearing like a sailor. The Teller is guilty as charged. But swearing like a sailor’s cockatoo? That’s new. And we like it.

A local municipal judge denied Taylor’s request to dismiss the suit, and issued restraining orders telling both women to have no contact with each other. No word on whether the cockatoo is allowed to contact Ms. Melker.

Closer to home here in Massachusetts, we’ve also been dealing with a loud, crass one-time family member, for years.

Their name is Rhode Island.

Perhaps Massachusetts officials can train some Right Whales – apparently, our state animal – to park themselves off Newport and sing annoying whale songs all day.

That ought to teach our low-brow neighbors some class.