It’s true in stadium/concert hall jurisdictions; in upscale urban downtowns; in fun tourist destinations; and in up-and-coming, shabby neighborhoods attractive to the artsy-craftsy folks – what makes the world go ’round is alcohol.
The art museums might be quite nice, the urban architecture might win prizes and the taxis may be cheap and plentiful. But, at the end of the day, we know what fuels the world go ’round. Alcohol.
We can sell them cheap sliders at Happy Hour; we can offer up middle-brow jazz bands with no cover charge. We can scalp a few tickets as they wander around the outskirts of Fenway, looking for a seat. But, at the end of the day, we know what makes the world go ’round. Alcohol.
It’s not so much that alcohol makes them happy (although it certainly does do that). It’s that the teeming masses are programmed to drink beer and wine and whisky and gin and vodka when they go out – and we can mark up the booze 200, 300, even 400 percent. Let the politicians and urban planners prattle on about one experiment or another to revitalize the cities. We know what makes the world go ’round. Alcohol.
You won’t learn about the wonders of alcohol at economic development workshops for city and state planners. Much will be made of “pedestrian friendly” urban corridors, sufficiently congested to pass the test for “smart growth.” But, as the restaurants and bars and associated businesses can tell you, if the pedestrians are a convention of Mormons who don’t drink alcohol, all is lost.
The challenge comes after the alcohol has been consumed; after the bar has met its profit target and the stadium has covered its grandiose overhead. For all the joys of alcohol revenue, Evil Demon Rum is still Evil Demon Rum.
The happy consumers pour out the door, talking too loudly, peeing on the sidewalk, engaging in brawls about nothing much at all.
It is often at closing time when economic development, criminal justice and a bit of theology clash in wondrous ways. Are we happy the boisterous crowd came around to spend their money? Is the economic benefit worth the messy business that goes on afterward? Can we extract the money and yet encourage the mob to behave as if they drank Diet Coke?
Proof-ing Problems
Massachusetts is currently wrestling with two techniques to tame the Angry Beast of Booze.
A rather obscure bit of legislation passed in 1971 decriminalized what might lovingly be called public inebriation. The theory was that you didn’t want the Patriots fans and the conventioneers and the local neighborhood boys and the tourists arrested for an occasional night of lowering local real estate values.
From Mansfield and Foxborough – both distressingly familiar with sports and concert crowds fueled by booze – come recent proposals authorizing fines of up to $200 for public drunkenness.
Attorney General Martha Coakley dismissed the plans in short order, explaining that state law trumps any pathetic little efforts on behalf of towns to keep the peace.
As of this writing, things have become a bit more complicated, with the towns arguing that the sin they are punishing is a civil offense, not criminal – something akin to a traffic ticket.
If the towns get their way, the enforcement side of the game will be interesting to watch. The murky discretion that already exists for such things as disorderly conduct and breach of peace would be multiplied ten-fold if cops began passing around violation forms for publicly inebriated folks, in a civil-violation sort of way.
Many jurisdictions across the country have begun to shrug off the “problem” of late-night revelry and extend bar hours to the wee hours of the morning. Annapolis, Md., now allows restaurants serving booze to keep it up until 2 a.m., instead of midnight. Nebraska has extended its closing hour to 2 a.m.
Boston has toyed with the idea of allowing hotel bars to stay open until 4 a.m. – a notion that makes the surrounding neighborhoods anxious and angry and crazy.
Raise a glass and toast the politicians (as long as you’re very quiet and stay indoors). Regulating the liquored-up constituents isn’t easy. Everybody wants the money, but nobody wants the drunks.
