Ever since Dorothy got swept up in that tornado and her house flew, business class, from Kansas to the Land of Oz, we’ve had mixed feelings about witches.
As Dorothy learned, there are bad witches, who fly around on broom sticks, screeching and terrorizing as if they were some kind of newspaper editor or zoning officer or bank regulator. And then, there are good witches, who help you find the right financial advisor, in the form of a wizard.
The situation has become even more complex of late, with the release of a hot new novel by Deborah Harkness, “A Discovery of Witches,” which sort of describes the flirtation between a witch and a vampire. I didn’t actually read the book, but I hope the couple doesn’t have any kids. The world doesn’t need any more SEC commissioners.
Of course, Massachusetts has its own witch problems, dating to the unpleasantness of the Salem Witch Trials, which, while they tend to be good for tourism in the Salem area, still make ACLU lawyers and cranky girls in pointy hats nervous.
Salem has just unveiled a new logo, which includes a graphic that sort of looks like a witch’s hat and sort of looks like a sailboat. The message: Salem is “Still making history,” which implies that while the town is still vigilant about the witch hunts, you can also relax and go boating.
As the Salem Chamber of Commerce director put it, “we’ll forever be the witch city,” which has to be better for tourism than, say, Hartford, Conn., the “Insurance Capital of the World” – a notion that probably sends tourists running from the city, screaming in terror.
Spelling Success
In Romania, where many of the Salem witches apparently moved after they were paroled, the witch industry is huge, with fortunetelling as the primary revenue driver. Earlier this year, Romania began taxing witches (remarkable that Massachusetts never thought of that), who are now on the books as official, respectable, and of course taxable, professionals. The latest bill aimed at witches would fine or imprison them if their predictions don’t come true – a sort of witchcraft fraud.
Assuming that the Romanian witches don’t get so angry that they unleash an army of flying monkeys on the Romanian parliament and take over the government, Massachusetts in general, and Salem in particular, might reconsider the age-old hostility to witches. If, in fact, the ladies are really good at predictions, why not encourage them to settle down and help get Massachusetts through the day, in these turbulent times?
At this stage of the turbulent Boston Metro real estate confusion, if I were a real estate developer, I’d go to a good witch for advice on whether to build condos or rental units.
I think the need is real. Outside of a few Romanian witches, who predicted early on that Scott Brown would be our newest U.S. Senator? The “experts” didn’t fly around on brooms, checking out voter discontent and willingness to vote for a Republican, whatever that is.
A committee of witches (known in Salem as a “coven”) would certainly do a better job predicting the hiring practices of biotech companies than the bureaucrats Gov. Deval Patrick has on board to lovingly dole out economic development grants.
And it’s not as if I’m much better at all this. I would have bet a Banker & Tradesman week’s pay (about $25) that Massachusetts would have casino gambling by now, rather than wave to the tourists on their way to southeastern Connecticut. I clearly need a witch as a research assistant.
Bigger convention center? Whom would you trust to make that decision – shadowy travel and tourism consultants, or an objective, analytical forecast from a committee of witches? After all, who is better at the magic of attracting tourists than our local witches?
In Salem, the annual tourist spending is about $65 million. While that may include beer sales to kids from Salem State University, the bulk of the money is spent soaking up witch culture. The prosperity that witches bring to Salem may compensate for the fear felt by local men when their wives ask them to get the broom out of the closet.
