Post-Thanksgiving Food For Thought
The bipartisan debt reduction committee that was supposed to solve our debt addiction and put America back on the road to solvency has instead decided to give up.
Quelle Surprise!
The Teller thinks the donkeys and elephants missed an enormous opportunity by ignoring the virtues of these three things: Drugs, robots and gambling.
First, drugs. In the words of Peter Tosh, “Legalize it, don’t criticize it!” The debt committee was clearly smoking something in failing to recognize it’s impossible to get us out of debt only by either cutting or taxing. So why not share?!
A temporary sales tax on alcohol in Massachusetts brought in untold millions in tax revenue. Couldn’t taxing weed on a national scale help bring in billions? It’s essentially legal in California, and they seem to be doing OK. Sure, the state is nearly bankrupt but… well, California knows how to party, man – what else do you need?
Next, robots. Most companies spend enormously on payroll and benefits, and we imagine the federal government is no different. So why not replace some faceless federal bureaucrats with robots? They’re already essentially human drones – and real robots don’t unionize, need health care or take two-hour lunches.
Yes, we’re trying to create jobs, not eliminate them. But we’re sure Bedford’s own iRobot Corp. would be happy to hire displaced workers to help build the robots that took their jobs in the first place. It’s a perfect plan – until, that is, the robots figure out how to build themselves. But in that case, we’re all doomed anyway, so it won’t matter.
Finally, gambling. The recent legalization of casino gaming in Massachusetts is being heralded as the savior of everything from health care to municipal infrastructure. So why not rev gaming into high gear nationwide? Take Herbert Hoover’s famous 1928 electoral promise and put a 2011 spin on it – “A chicken in every pot, a car in every garage… and a slot parlor on every town green!”
To those that ask why we would consider these ideas, we ask why not? Isn’t doing something better than doing more of the same – ie, nothing? Plus… drugs, robots and gambling are fun.
In fact, that sounds like a great campaign slogan for The Teller – “Forget prudence. Let’s make America fun again!”
