While corporate dress codes come and go, and while sneaking out early on the Friday of a three-day weekend often depends on the mood of the boss at the moment, the vocabulary rules at most business organizations are written on stone tablets and adhered to with the fervor borne of Mt. Sinai.
The most obvious restrictions, of course, are a part of the “diversity” brew of regulations. No more calling the secretary “honey,” or “babe,” even if she is one. Race, religion, creed, sexual orientation or favorite sports team are not to be targeted for verbal scorn – although among the young kids in the mailroom, everything mildly bad is now referred to as “gay” – which is confusing, and has nothing much to do with being, well, you know, gay.
But many companies also have their own vocabulary idiosyncrasies – words that are discouraged or banned.
For instance, at Banker & Tradesman, the “R” word is prohibited, as in, “hey boss, when do I find out how big my raise is going to be?” We are not allowed to utter the word “raise,” because make-believe is discouraged in the news division of the publication.
All of this comes to mind because of a very disturbing recent court hearing in Connecticut, in which UBS was ordered to set aside $35.5 million for a potential judgment related to dubious debt securities.
Apparently, a major piece of evidence against UBS was the existence of email comments by employees, describing the securities as “vomit” and “crap.” In a preliminary and very speculative ruling, the judge apparently decided that such language was not a term of endearment – and might suggest that the investments were known to be, well, you know, something on the order of “vomit.”
I don’t know. UBS is a big boy and can take care of itself, but I, on occasion, in a lighthearted and casual way, occasionally opine that I’m about to email my crap to Banker & Tradesman. It remains a rhetorical gift from God, whatever I call it – and whether or not it resembles vomit, a word I tend to use for other columnists’ work, not my own.
Popular Phrases!
And I’m not alone. I’ve calibrated my Google stuff to alert me to every worldwide corporate and political mention of crap and vomit – and there is just no end to it, except, for the moment, in Connecticut – as you might expect.
When the New York Times executives decided to come to Boston early this month and trick the Boston Globe employees into believing that all was well and the paper might not be sold and transformed into a suburban shopper, the Times emails were humming with speculation about what sort of “crap” the Globe folks might be told, to calm them down. The Globe employees’ reaction to being told that the parent company was “always looking for efficiencies”? That’s right. The “v” word.
The two most searched terms in Massachusetts and Vermont in recent weeks have been “crap” and “vomit,” in response to assurances from Logan International Airport that a $897 trillion commuter train, traveling at the speed of light, from Boston to the T.F. Green Airport in Rhode Island, would not affect passenger volume at Logan.
But, you really have to be careful. These terms don’t always reflect contempt or scorn, in a serious, focused kind of way. With State Treasurer Tim Cahill in the race for governor, promising that Beacon Hill will “live within its means”; and with political insider Christy Mathos sort of running for Ted Kennedy’s seat, but actually running for governor; and with 17 other real or imagined candidates running for both offices, a lot of campaign staffs are going to be talking about cranking out the “crap” – even though the crap promises to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and fire the head of the MBTA – if there still is such a person.
What seems important at the moment, given the potential legal precedent coming out of Connecticut, is to avoid giving your financial products exciting nicknames and, of course, to never refer to the “public option” in the Obama heath care reform package as a “public option.” Nobody wants that crap. Oops.
