The National Association of Cheap Bosses just released the findings of a dubious new study that concludes federal employees appreciate honesty and strong leadership more than salary and benefits.

Yeah, sure. That’s the kind of stuff Banker & Tradesman told me when they tricked me into writing columns. “Oh, Larry, the pay isn’t perfect, but you’ll really, really appreciate the honesty and strong leadership and strong coffee we provide, through bosses that learned at the feet of calm guys at Buddhist monasteries.”

The biennial federal human capital survey (isn’t it heartwarming that bosses and publishers and stuff think we are “human capital”?), conducted by the Office of Personnel Management and Self-Serving Public Relations, ranks the Nuclear Regulatory Commission as the top agency in terms of big, group hugs from bosses – in part, because the alternative would be a shouting match while standing atop nuclear fuel rods that glow in the dark.

In general, the happy federal employees appreciate bosses who “communicate;” who share information; who provide training opportunities for employees. Who needs good pay, when you have bosses such as those god-like creatures?

The Transportation Department ranked last in boss stuff, which is surprising, given the model of efficiency and openness and honesty we have here in Massachusetts from our transportation bureaucracy. But, all in all, about two-thirds of federal employees think that their immediate supervisors are doing a good job.

Pride Of Place

Of course, some analysts suggest that federal employees are all puffed up at the moment, because President Obama is creating a federal government that will be responsible for everything, including cutting the crust off your bread before you eat your sandwich for lunch. Perhaps, if you own all the banks and sell all the cars and decide whether there should be a high-speed rail line between Boston and Holyoke, you’re feeling pretty good about your boss and figure that the paycheck will take care of itself.

Just last week, an editor at Banker & Tradesman gave me a compliment and hinted that I might be picked to run the Belchertown Bureau. I was so deliriously distracted that I forgot to put last week’s pay in my coffee mug. I didn’t care about money. It was like I was some kind of federal employee or something.

But the moment passed. The rent has to be paid; the bourbon has to be purchased. Federal surveys be damned; at the end of the day, a surly boss and a big paycheck are better than an inspiring boss and spiritual compensation for being a powerful columnist. 

So, what’s to be made of that federal survey and those, happy, underpaid federal employees? There’s a suspicion, of course, that they were prompted to say nice stuff about their bosses, for fear that the National Security Agency had installed tiny little microphones and telescopes all around to capture each person’s “anonymous” survey responses.

But what if the survey is sort of, kind of, accurate? What if you really can trick a workforce, or at least a newsroom, into working for peanuts if the boss is perceived to be transcendent? This could have profound implications for a place such as Boston.

When the Greater Boston Chamber of Commerce complained last year that the pool of younger, skilled workers was shrinking, it recommended such stuff as improved teaching of math and science in schools; and, of course, lowered business costs. But what if the real answer is, nicer bosses? What if the Boston instinct is to hire tyrants as bosses, while attempting to compensate with bloated pay for the underlings, except at Banker & Tradesman, which tends to offer the worst of both worlds? What if the pay in Boston still isn’t sufficient to compensate for the bad bosses?

A new study by Greylock Partners suggests that Boston is losing its reputation as a cool, venture-capital kind of technology place to its formidable competitors in Silicon Valley, where bosses come to work in flowered shirts and say to their employees, “Hey, dudes, let’s go to the beach today.”

Perhaps Massachusetts doesn’t need more tax credits or more Republicans. What we may need is nice bosses, like the federal employees have. After that, we can talk about the salaries. We’re not stupid.