The Casino Battle Finds A New Port 

Ask the average Brit about the War of 1812, and you might get a blank stare.

Hell, ask the average American about the War of 1812, and you may get the same response, even as Boston prepares for a celebration marking the 200th anniversary of the start of the oft-overlooked, two-year conflict.

For the Brits, it’s excusable. At the time, they were engaged in a world war with Napoleon, and 1812 is the year the little Frenchman marched on St. Petersburg. The trade restrictions that resulted from England’s long-running spat with Napoleon royally ticked off New England’s merchants. When Americans pushing westward discovered the English had been arming the Native Americans in their fight to keep their land, the former colonials were steamed.

What did the Americans do about it? Declare war and try to invade Canada, of course. Canada wouldn’t have been too shabby as a side benefit to all this, would it?

Unfortunately for the hawkish yanks, President James Madison, while a brilliant legislator and genius of statecraft, was not a particularly convincing executive. Does Congress want war? Yes? Well, okay.

The generals Madison chose for the land mission were crusty, old veterans of the Revolution. They were too fat and lazy to do much but surrender, which they did with embarrassing regularity. At least a little time aboard a British prison barge inspired Francis Scott Key to write the Star Spangled Banner.

But unlike the United States and England, Canada remembers the War of 1812 quite clearly, and celebrates it as a victory. The Canucks did, after all, keep the Americans from taking over large portions of Canada. The border we share today was set largely as a result of the War of 1812.

But The Teller has found what may be the best way to commemorate this lofty anniversary. With real estate.

The fine folks at Select Sotheby’s International Realty in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., have listed Fort Haldimand Bluffs on the north bay of Carleton Island, Cape Vincent, Thousand Islands, N.Y. The property includes a former British shipworks and the ruins of the aforementioned fort, which played a role in defining the border between Canada and the United States.

Now, The Teller is a bit of a history buff, as you may have surmised, but we’re not bothered by this prospect.

Look at Europe, dotted with the ruins of medieval castles. That’s not the stodgy sort of ghost worship we value here. And luckily, neither does Select Sotheby’s International Realty.

“We are hoping for a waterfront Gettysburg-type walking tour integration to coexist with private development of the surrounding lands and provide access to the public,” Sotheby’s said in a press release.

Sounds like a casino to The Teller. And what a location! Somebody get Steve Wynn on the phone.