Bernice Ross

Whether you’re a new or an experienced agent, a quick way to kill any negotiation is to use “tell and sell” mode rather than asking questions.

“Tell and sell” is often about the agent’s need to win or be right. If you find yourself arguing or trying to persuade a client, let go of your need to win and ask a question instead.

Did you know that the person asking questions is the one who controls the negotiation? It’s much more effective, especially when the agent “wins” and the client “loses.” If you want happier clients and more closed deals, mastering these negotiation questions is your route to success.

First, I have to get something out of the way: buyers aren’t really liars – it’s just that you’re asking the wrong question. If you want to know what your buyers will actually purchase, don’t just ask about location, bedroom count, or architectural style.

While those details matter, a better question is: “What was your favorite house from childhood, and what made it special?”

Asking about features engages the logical part of the buyer’s brain. On the other hand, asking about their favorite house from their childhood taps into deep positive emotional anchors, the real drivers behind most buying decisions. Do show them homes that match their logical criteria, but if you can find a version of that memorable house from their childhood, that’s the house they will probably buy.

A more practical – but must-ask – question that will indicate more needs: “Do you have any pets? If so, what are their names?” You’ll also tapping into the strong positive emotions many people feel about their animals, which often leads a buyer to like you even more.

The last thing to ask when trying to figure out what a buyer really needs: “What do you like to do for fun when you’re at home?”

This question uncovers whether your buyer is a gardener, gourmet cook or someone who craves peace and quiet. By focusing on what makes them happy, you will be more likely to find the home best suited for their unique lifestyle. This in turn deepens their trust in you and strengthens your relationship.

Writing the Offer

Once your buyers find a house they like, ask them, “Are you going to write an offer on this house? If not, why not?”

This is a powerful closing question, but you must obtain permission to use it when you conduct your buyer’s interview. (Also, given the new commission rules, don’t forget you must have your buyers sign a buyer’s showing agreement.)

Not only does this question allow you to close the buyer after every showing, it also helps you clarify what your clients are most likely to buy.

If they say “yes” to writing an offer, ask, “It’s your choice, what would you like to do?”

This may be the most important question in real estate. Trying to control the negotiation can backfire. Always remember, “It’s their house, it’s their mortgage, and it’s their decision.”

A better approach is to present all available options to them, ask if you have missed any other options, and allow them to decide. This builds trust and ensures they feel supported, not pressured.

Rather than trying to persuade them, be a conduit of information that supports their decision-making process. Questions like “How much longer are you willing to keep paying down your landlord’s mortgage?” can help renters, for example, take the leap into home ownership.

If Your Client Goes Ballistic

Sooner or later, one of your clients will go ballistic about something you have done. In fact, they may be mad at you about a mistake someone else made that wasn’t your fault.

First, avoid arguing or trying to defend yourself. This will only escalate the situation.

Immediately ask your client to pause so you can get something to write with and capture exactly what they have to say.

Take notes on what your client says, pausing to confirm that you have captured what they said correctly.

By writing down what they say and reading it back to them in a calm voice, you defuse the anger. The most important thing here is that they see you have heard their concerns. This is extremely important if the client is making noises about suing, because you will have a written record of what was said.

Next, this powerful question almost always defuses the situation: “It was never my intention to make you angry. What can I do to fix it?”

Notice that there is no admission that you have done anything wrong. Instead, you want to get this situation fixed and are asking for their input on how to do it.

There are hundreds of ways to negotiate more effectively by asking more questions. Whenever you feel yourself becoming defensive, pause for a moment and remember to ask, “What question can I ask to move this situation forward?” rather than “What can I say to persuade them that I’m right?”

You’ll be surprised at how well this approach really works.

Bernice Ross is a nationally syndicated columnist, author, trainer and speaker on real estate topics. She can be reached at bernice@realestatecoach.com.