Crescent Comes Out Of Its Shell

Warning: Crescent Credit Union does not tolerate the presence of giant reptiles on its premises.

A giant turtle learned that the hard way recently, after loitering at the credit union’s Norwell branch and earning herself a run-in with the local cops. Credit union employees arrived one morning recently to find the turtle hanging out on its lawn.

Initially, some vigilante types at the credit union took matters into their own hands and tried to shoo the hardshell away with a broom stick. Predictably, the turtle just grumpily bit the stick and wouldn’t let go (turtles are always grumpy: this is fact).  So the credit union had no choice but to call the fuzz.

In an e-mail obtained by The Teller, the credit union said the police "removed her from the premises," but gave no further details. The Teller must then conclude that a S.W.A.T. team-like force was involved, and the turtle was targeted and removed with extreme prejudice. It’s more likely a few animal control guys just carted her off, but our version is way funnier to think about.

Note: We assume the turtle is a "she" because the credit union referred to her as such. We have no idea how Crescent Credit Union employees became well versed in reptile gender-identification, but we figure there are some questions better left unasked.

Secondary note: No, we didn’t automatically know that turtles are reptiles. We had to turn to our old friend The Googler for that info. But if a reptile had to hang out at a local financial institution, at least it was a turtle and not a giant snake. Snakes are way worse.