Fourth And Long
Eastern Bank is holding a contest for local high school football teams in Eastern and Central Massachusetts; they are searching for the best answer to the question: "What makes your team special?"
The prize? A spot on Eastern Bank’s new television commercial, to air in September, and $5,000. Runners-up who are tabbed for the commercial’s casting call go home with $500.
Now we’re talking.
The bank is trying to illustrate how important teamwork is, both when tossing around the pigskin and pulling in deposits.
Don’t bother applying, however. The Teller’s flag football team will definitely take home the five grand, and be on the road to TV stardom in September.
So we’re not a "high school" football team, per se, as the contest rules require. So what? We’ve got something those official teams don’t: totally awesome eye black mustaches, carefully coordinated and applied before game time.
That’s right, instead of applying the greasy eye black to our cheeks to reduce glare, we apply it to our upper lips to increase awesomeness. Every single man, woman, infant and golden retriever on our team has the same faux facial adornment when we go to battle on the gridiron. Last week, it was "the conquistador," complete with chin triangle and jaunty take-no-prisoners attitude. This week: the Snidely Whiplash-esque curly villain mustache. Mwa-ha-ha!
Our opponents are so intimidated (or reduced to fits of giggling and excessive eye-rolling) we run fly patterns and triple options all over the field, scoring at will.
Think you can beat that? We doubt it, because that’s what teamwork is all about: synchronized gimmicks. But you’re welcome to try. Contest rules and submission guidelines are available at www.easternbank.com/teamwork, and the deadline for submissions is Aug. 7.
Appeasing The Gods
Did you feel the Earth tremble in Central Massachusetts on July 27? Did you see any jagged bolts of lightning slashing out toward Leominster? Was anyone pelted with a frog-filled rain? Neither was The Teller. And now we know why.
It’s all because, thankfully, Leominster Credit Union (LCU) made sure to appease the gods that day. The credit union was celebrating the progress at its new headquarters, on Adams and Union streets in downtown Leominster, with a "topping off" ceremony. Knowing the dark and fickle powers of divine beings, and their predisposition to smashing things, the institution took a few precautions to keep us all wrath-free.
Before the last steel girder was ready to be lowered into place on the three-story building, it was painted white, and signed by the iron workers from Capone Iron Corp., LCU employees and the board of directors. This, of course, was done so if the proceedings were not to the gods’ liking, they knew exactly who to smite first, perhaps saving the rest of us from any significant smiting. The Teller truly appreciates the gesture.
Next, an evergreen tree covered in ribbons was attached to the beam. This was crucial, and really where most of our lives were saved. This is an ancient ritual that dates as far back as 700 B.C., starting in Scandinavia as everyone knows (The Teller now knows thanks to our colleague, The Googler).
The tree is what appeases the various forest gods, who offer the building protection, prosperity and growth. Without the tree, well … you’ve heard of the Vikings, right? They were basically agents of these ancient Scandinavian gods, sent to light anything where the tree was not properly affixed on fire, and generally break other stuff.
Not wanting any Viking raids descending upon Leominster, LCU wisely made the proper rituals.
LCU affixed another important symbol to the beam before it was put into place: the American flag. This represented the fact that no workers were killed on the project. Of course, this appeases the other gods that watch over construction: The Occupational Safety and Heath Administration. If you thought the Vikings were bad…
